Your Need To Know

Whoever coined the phrase “Life is too short” certainly knew what he or she was talking about. It really is much too short. Too short to spend our valuable time worrying. No one is free of problems as they are a part of life, but we spend much too much time worrying about the wrong problems.

We need to learn to separate the real from the unnecessary. We need to learn to worry less.

Here is an estimate of the things most people worry about:

40% - Things that will never happen
30% - things in the past that can never be changed
12% - Needless worries about our health
10% - Petty, miscellaneous worries
8% - Real and legitimate worries

So, 92% of the things we worry about just take up valuable time. They cause stress and mental anguish, not to mention physical ailments due to the stress, and they are absolutely unnecessary. Of the 8% of legitimate worries, there are two kinds: those we can do something about and those we can’t. Most of these will fall into the first category and these are the ones we can solve if we just learn how.

Worry is defined by Webster as “a mental distress or agitation resulting from concern, usually for something impending or anticipated.” This is an excellent description, and it tells us that:

1. Worry is a mental activity, both conscious and subconscious.
2. Worry is usually about something that might or might not happen in the future.

Usually, when we worry, we have conversations with ourselves about distressing things we anticipate are going to happen. The key word here is “anticipate.” The worry is about something that hasn’t happened and may or may not happen. Worry is always about something imaginary. Something that doesn’t yet exist. Worry, in fact, is the process of becoming distressed about the nonexistent. Put in that perspective, it seems rather silly and useless.

Worry involves a great deal of self-talk. We all have these ongoing internal dialogues with ourselves about our concerns, hopes, plans, and decisions. We can easily observe what we’re saying to ourselves, how we’re saying it, when we’re saying it and what are our perspectives, intentions and directions. Controlling worry can be easily accomplished by intentionally intervening in that internal dialogue.

Remember, self-talk is simply an internal dialogue; conversations we have with ourselves. This type of conscious activity is quickest to yield to control. By controlling our conscious worry, we can affect the reservoir of anxiety that our worry has left behind in our subconscious.

We can intervene in these self-destructive internal dialogues as if we were an outside, objective mediator. We can transform these dialogues into useful and productive activities that allay our fears and break the worry cycle.
Here’s how:

Stop that Thought!

Simply say “Stop” in your mind. Mentally shout it, if necessary. If I am alone, I even say it out loud. Whenever you find yourself worrying, stop the dialogue this way immediately. This may sound too easy, but it really works!

Next, replace the worry dialogue with a practical dialogue. The events you are anticipating really might occur and you can’t waste your time stuck in the worry cycle. You have to plan your most effective responses to the most probable future events. You have to determine if there is anything you can do right now to prevent or modify those events. Talk to yourself about what probably will happen. What can you do about it now and then?

You have to do now what you can do now to prepare for, modify or prevent those events. The only alternative is worry. What would you rather do, worry or take what control that is available?

Change the Channel!

Self-directed imagery is extremely effective in curing worry.
Imagery is the making of mental pictures. It is visual thinking. Whenever we’re having an internal dialogue, we’re usually making up images of whatever it is we’re talking about. For example, if you are talking to yourself about a meeting with your boss, you are making pictures in your head of your boss, his office, his actions and reactions, yourself, your actions, and your reactions. If you are worried about the meeting, the pictures are going to be distressing ones since worry will be about unpleasant and undesirable happenings.

If you have trouble changing your internal dialogue, you may find changing the pictures in your head to be an easier and more powerful tool. Then, that change will cause changes in your self-talk. Make up pictures that represent what you want to happen and that oppose the pictures of what you fear will happen. You want to choose the pictures that best counteract the worried images.

In the example of the meeting with your boss, make up and “see” mental pictures of a relaxed and productive meeting. See your boss very impressed and reacting favorably toward you. See mental pictures of yourself feeling good about your presentation or whatever it is that you want to happen. Or, if you are dealing with a probable outcome that is unpleasant or undesirable, and probably unavoidable, make pictures of your desired responses to counteract the feared responses.

Make your internal dialogue and your imagery about what you can do now. Then, use your internal dialogue and imagery to do what you can do now.

Basically, when we worry, we are worried about nothing. These events are in our mind, not in our real, physical world.
And we can do nothing about nothing.

Gina

Positive thinking helps with stress management and can even improve your health. Overcome negative self-talk by recognizing it and practicing with some examples provided.

Is your glass half-empty or half-full? How you answer this age-old question about positive thinking may reflect your outlook on life, your attitude toward yourself, and whether you’re optimistic or pessimistic.In fact, some studies show that these personality traits — optimism and pessimism — can affect how well you live and even how long you live.With this in mind, take a refresher course in positive thinking. Learn how to put positive thinking into action. Positive thinking is a key part of an effective stress management strategy.

Understanding positive thinking and self-talk Self-talk is the endless stream of thoughts that run through your head every day. These automatic thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of lack of information.If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, your outlook on life is likely pessimistic. If your thoughts are mostly positive, you’re likely an optimist — someone who practices positive thinking.

Living longer and happier through positive thinking Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and optimism on health. Health benefits that positive thinking may provide include:

• Decreased negative stress

• Greater resistance to catching the common cold

• A sense of well-being and improved health

• Reduced risk of coronary artery disease

• Easier breathing if you have certain lung diseases, such as emphysema

• Improved coping ability for women with high-risk pregnancies

• Better coping skills during hardships

It’s unclear why people who engage in positive thinking experience these health benefits. But one theory is that having a positive outlook enables you to cope better with stressful situations, which reduces the harmful health effects of stress on your body.

How positive thinking gives way to negative thinking But what if your self-talk is mainly negative? That doesn’t mean you’re doomed to an unhappy life. Negative self-talk just means that your own misperceptions, lack of information and distorted ideas have overpowered your capacity for logic and reason. Some common forms of negative and irrational self-talk include:

• Filtering. You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all of the positive ones. For example, say you had a great day at work. You completed your tasks ahead of time and were complimented for doing a speedy and thorough job. But you forgot one minor step. That evening, you focus only on your oversight and forget about the compliments you received.
• Personalizing. When something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. For example, you hear that an evening out with friends is canceled and you assume that the change in plans is because no one wanted to be around you.
• Catastrophizing. You automatically anticipate the worst. You refuse to go out with friends for fear that you’ll make a fool of yourself. Or one change in your daily routine leads you to think the entire day will be a disaster.
• Polarizing. You see things only as either good or bad, black or white. There is no middle ground. You feel that you have to be perfect or that you’re a total failure.

You can learn positive thinking Instead of giving in to these kinds of negative self-talk, weed out misconceptions and irrational thinking and then challenge them with rational, positive thoughts. When you do this, your self-talk will gradually become realistic and self-affirming — you engage in positive thinking.You can learn to turn negative thinking into positive thinking. The process is simple, but it takes time and practice — you are creating a new habit, after all.Periodically during the day, stop and evaluate what you’re thinking. If you find that your thoughts are mainly negative, try to find a way to put a positive spin on them.Start by following one simple rule: Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to anyone else. Examples of typical negative self-talk and how you might apply a positive thinking twist include:

Practicing positive thinking every day If you tend to have a negative outlook, don’t expect to become an optimist overnight. But with practice, eventually your self-talk will automatically contain less self-criticism and more self-acceptance. You may also become less critical of the world around you. Practicing positive self-talk will improve your outlook. When your state of mind is generally optimistic, you’re able to handle everyday stress in a constructive way. That ability may contribute to the widely observed health benefits of positive thinking.