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Are you a good listener? Most of us need a lot of work in this area and I would have to say that men need it the most. I am certainly not accusing all men of being poor listeners. As I said, most of us need work in this area, but of all the women I have known in my lifetime, most of them will complain that their husband, boyfriend, or father is not a very good listener. Most of them say that any improvement in their listening skills would be greatly appreciated, and certainly would do wonders for their relationship.
Listening is almost like a magic pill guaranteed to produce results. Just improve your listening skills!
The payback for being a good listener is powerful and certain, yet so few of us become good listeners. As far as men are concerned, I believe they feel that listening is a non-proactive solution. In other words, if they don’t jump in and offer advice or some other solution right away, they feel as if they aren’t doing anything. They feel they are being too passive. It can be hard for men to accept the fact that listening itself is the solution.
If you were to ask couples in a loving relationship, what is the secret to their success, most will say it their partner’s ability to listen. Many will say this is the most significant factor in determining the quality of their relationship. This is also true of positive father/daughter and boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.
Listening can be a difficult but invaluable skill. Here are some ways to become a better listener:
Give your full attention. This is a big one. Don’t think about something else and don’t try to listen to someone while trying to pay attention to the television or some other distraction. If you are doing other things and simply saying “Uh-huh”, the other person will probably feel annoyed at your responses.
Repeat back what you’re hearing. This is so the other person knows what you heard.
By telling someone what you think they meant, you can confirm that you’ve understood them. It also affirms the value of what they said. It shows them that not only did you hear them, but that you were listening. This demonstrates that you care. The main thing to remember is that the more actively involved you are in a conversation, the easier it is to pay proper attention to it.
Maintain eye contact. Always direct your visual attention to the person to whom you are listening. Don’t just listen with your ears, but also with your eyes. Pay attention to facial expressions and body language. You’ll be surprised how much information comes through gestures and stance. One estimate has it that 75% of all communication is non-verbal. If you take away the words, what’s left? Plenty, it turns out. Beyond the words themselves is a host of clues as to what the speaker is communicating. 
We will become better listeners when we begin to understand how much being listened to is valued by the people we love. When someone genuinely listens to us, it feels as though we are heard and loved. It nourishes our spirit and makes us feel understood. When we don’t feel listened to, our hearts sink. We feel as though something is missing. We feel incomplete and dissatisfied.
Few of us become good listeners because we don’t realize how bad we are! Other than someone telling us or pointing it out to us in some way, how would we know? Our poor listening skills become an invisible habit that we don’t know we have.
Determining how effective you are as a listener takes a great deal of honesty and humility. You have to pay attention and evaluate your own listening skills. Do you jump in and interrupt? Do you begin thinking of something else before the person you are listening to has finished? Do you look like you’re listening “just because?”
Practice performing some exercises to improve your listening skills. This will be about as close as you will get to guaranteed results. You might be amazed at how quickly old problems and issues correct themselves and how much closer you will feel to the ones you love.
Becoming a better listener is an art form, yet it’s not at all complicated. All it requires is your intention to become a better listener followed by a little practice. Your effort will be well worth it.
Gina
Technorati Tags: Self-improvement
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And all of God’s women said “Amen”! LOL! As I write my comment on this I am listening to an ad on the radio where a wife is trying to explain a banking issue to her husband, who is not listening. Needless to say, it was causing further issues! I cannot bash the men only, as I can easily relate. I have had to learn to listen over the years and have attended seminars on the topic. This may also have something to do with my aversion to Text Messaging. Much is lost without the benefit of the nonverbals. Listening, like so many other things, requires that we slow the pace, smell the flowers, hear the birds and the voices of those we love. Thanks!!