Just Who Do You Think You Are?

Each of us has a concept of ourselves.  Our self-concept is a combination of all the thoughts and experiences that have happened to us over the course of our lives.  These thoughts and experiences come together to form an image of the person we believe ourselves to be.  Our self-concept is a controlling factor in determining much of our success and happiness in life.  In everything we do, we always act and respond in a manner consistent with our self-image.

The root of our self-concept and the core of our personality is self-esteem.  Our self-esteem is the level of satisfaction we have in ourselves.

Our self-esteem is a very important factor in our success and achievements.  A person with high self-esteem likes him or herself.  People who genuinely like and accept themselves as valuable, perform at higher levels of effectiveness and attain higher levels of achievement. 

We are all born into this world without any concept of ourselves.   Every concept we now have of who we are, we learned while we were growing up.   At a very young age, we began to develop our self-concept based on the way our parents treated us.  We learned whether we were lovable, intelligent, talented, or worthwhile. If we did not receive high-quality love in the first three to five years, we developed deficiencies.  For the rest of our lives, we will try to compensate for these deficiencies rather than realize our potential.Happy Child

We continue developing our self-concept for the rest of our lives based on what we experience and what we think.  Experiences during our childhood play an especially large role in shaping our basic self-esteem. 

When growing up, how we were treated by our family, friends, teachers, coaches, and preachers all contributed to creating our basic self-esteem. If we were harshly criticized, yelled at, ridiculed, beaten or abused, we likely will have low self-esteem.  If we were expected to be perfect all the time and given messages that our shortcomings meant we were failures, we likely will have low self-esteem.

A healthy self-esteem means we are able to accept ourselves as worthy and worthwhile unconditionally and without reservation.

Does your self-concept and self-esteem need improvement?   Most of us have an idea of what low self-esteem is, but it is not always easy to recognize. 

Ask yourself these questions:

Do I really like myself?  Do I love myself?  Or,

  • Do I act happy and successful, but I am really terrified of failure? 
  • Do I live with constant anger about not feeling “good enough”?
  • Do I always need to prove that others’ criticisms don’t bother me? 
  • Do I constantly look to others for guidance? 
  • Do I feel unable to cope with the world and use self-pity or indifference as a shield?image of self
  • Do I constantly criticize or belittle myself?
  • Am I overly jealous?
     Being jealous is a result of a low self-image because a person with a high self- image and a high level of self-esteem does not feel jealous.

Am I anxious, stressed, lonely or depressed?  These can all be negative consequences of low self-esteem.  These negative consequences themselves reinforce a negative self-image and can spiral a person into lower and lower self-esteem.

How do I raise my self-image and self-esteem? 

Help Yourself

1.   Think about your ideal self.  Everyone has feelings, thoughts and mental pictures of the ideal person we would like to be. 

2.   and thinking about them continually raises our self-image and moves us towards our ideal self.  This causes us to like our self more and moves us toward the full realization of our potential.

3.   Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments.  Make a list of the things you like about yourself.  Keep a list of accomplishments you are proud of where you can see them (Awards, degrees, certificates, citations, etc.).

4.    Make .  Affirm that you are a worthy person and deserving to feel good.  Affirm that you really like yourself and compliment or reward yourself for every accomplishment.

5.   Plan fun and relaxing things for yourself.  Do more of the things you really enjoy.

6.   Take care of yourself.  Eat healthy, get plenty of exercise and rest, and practice good hygiene.

Get Help From Others

1.   Ask your friends to tell you what they like about you and what they think you do well.

2.   Ask someone who loves you to remind you that they do.

3.   Talk to a therapist or Counselor.  Sometimes low self-esteem can be so difficult to overcome that the help of a professional therapist or counselor is needed.  Talking to a counselor is a good way to learn more about your self-esteem issues and begin to improve. 

As difficult as it may seem, improving your will be well worth the effort.  Set a course towards greater satisfaction with yourself and with your life.

Gina

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