Your Need To Know

I’ve always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, “Ain’t that the truth.” - Quincy Jones

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 -  These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 -  These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’  she thinks, ‘but I want more.’ So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 -  These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 -  These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she ex claims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’  Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 -  These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives Store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Remember, men need laughter sometimes more than food. - Anna Fellows Johnston

Gina

Technorati Tags:Humor, Laughter, Jokes

Here is some good clean humor guaranteed to make you laugh. - Gina

A Man’s Response To An Insurance Company’s Request

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.  In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident.  You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade.  On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building.  When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over.  Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks.  You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds.  Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone.  Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.  Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. 

At approximately the same time however,  the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.  Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds.  I refer you again to my weight in block number 11.  As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. 

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.  This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and lower body.   The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks.  Fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.  I am sorry to report however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above – I again lost my presence of mind.
 
I let go of the rope.

Author Unknown

YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

I never intended to fill this site with mindless chatter, but an occasional joke, cute saying, fascinating picture or intriging puzzle can always lighten your day.  This one is pretty neat and fun.

Don’t tell me your age -but your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

This takes less than a minute . Work this out as you read .

1 . First, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat (more than once but less than 10)

2 . Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3 . Add 5

4 . Multiply it by 50

5 . If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758 . . . If you haven’t, add 1757 .

6 . Now subtract the four digit year that you were born .

You should have a three digit number .

The first digit of this was your original number ( How many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week).

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE ! —— (Oh YES, it is!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS