Your Need To Know

Yesterday, a very dear friend of mine told me she has strong fear of rejection.  So much so that she could not bring herself to apply for a new position with her employer. A position for which she is more than qualified.  Even though this new position pays quite a bit more, with better working conditions, she could still not bring herself to apply.  It seems her fear of rejection is more of a motivator than the benfits of this positive carreer opportunity.  

What is the Fear of Rejection and Why Do I Have It?

Fear of rejection is a very common phobia that strikes millions of people in all areas of their lives.

Fear of rejection is the irrational fear that others will not accept you for who you are, what you believe, or how you act. It is a state of mind that makes you incapable of doing or saying something out of fear of others’ rejection, lack of acceptance, or disapproval. It is an attitude that inhibits your creativity, productivity, and imagination.

This phobia can play a large part in a person’s choices concerning their education, career direction, work behavior, achievement level, interpersonal relationships, family life, and the ways in which they spend leisure time.  It can actually be the driving force of some people for all the actions in their lives.

There are some common and obvious behavior patterns of people who operate out of fear:

• They do not speak up and let others know how they feel about something, especially if their opinions differ.
• They lack healthy self-concepts, self-worth, or self-esteem. 
• They display little or no assertiveness.
• They are confused as to their true identity.
• They lack the courage to function differently from others
• They will keep their personal feelings hidden.

The more a person dwells negatively upon an instance of rejection, the harder it becomes to get up the courage to face another occasion when they might get rejected again.

Why Do I Have A Fear of Rejection?

Most people suffering from fear of rejection have low self-esteem and a debilitating lack of self-confidence. They may have had a very dysfunctional or abusive childhood.  They may have lacked appropriate role models in life who accepted them for who they really were. They may have suffered from social isolation in their early lives. They may have been told all their life that they were second best or different.  They may have never been exposed to healthy ways of dealing with conflict or disagreement.  Or, they may have had a traumatic experience of rejection such as a divorce or separation that deeply scarred them.

How Do I Overcome This Fear?

One of the best ways to overcome a fear of rejection is to deliberately put yourself into situations where you get rejected a lot. If you actually confront these situations, your fear will lessen as you become more used to dealing with it.

This requires you to step beyond your comfort zone, but no matter what the results, you can feel  good about facing the fear of rejection squarely without giving in. By proving to yourself that you can face up to your fears, they will eventually lose their power over you.  Remember, if you never put yourself in a situation where someone can say “no” to you, you will never be in a situation where someone can say “yes.”

More Ways to Overcome:

• Work on building your self-esteem.  (See How To Build Self-esteem)
• Remind yourself why you want to overcome your fear. Remind yourself that your goal is to have a happy and fulfilled life.
• Realize that you have your own identity and you don’t need the approval of others to feel good about yourself.
• Realize that occasional rejection is simply a part of life. It doesn’t mean you are a flawed human being. Like everything else in life it just takes practice.
• Change your “Self-talk.” Change what you say to yourself about rejection. Learn how to subsitute new ways of thinking about rejection in the place of your previous negative and self attacking thoughts.
• Don’t tie your self worth to whether or not you get accepted or rejected by other people.

The only person whose acceptance you really need is YOU!  Even though you can’t control how other people react to you, you can control how you react to rejection.

Here is a quote from Charles Swindoll which I thought was appropriate:

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money,
than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make
or break a company, a church, a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our
past.  We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have,
and that is our attitude.  I am convinced that life is 10% what happens and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes.

Gina

Technorati Tags: Fear-of-rejection, Phobias, Self-improvement

With his song, “Live Like You were Dyin’”, Tim McGraw sends a message that we should really heed. Like Tim’s song, many of us will experience a much-dreaded serious accident or terminal diagnosis, and one thing is certain to occur:

We will view our ordinary life with much more appreciation. The things we take for granted will seem much more important and special. We will begin to look at each day as a gift and a miracle. All the little things that bother us won’t seem all that important or worthy of so much of our attention.
The little aggravations that we usually focus on will shrink in importance. Our attention will now be on the precious gift of life.

Live Like You Were Dyin’

I was in my early forties,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, lookin’ at the x-rays,
Talkin’ ’bout the options and talkin’ ’bout sweet time.
Asked him when it sank in, and this might really be the real end.
How’s it hit ya, when you get that kind of news.
Man what ya do.
And he says,

I went sky divin’,
I went rocky mountain climbin’,
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fu Manchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I’ve been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin’.

He said I was finally the husband,
That most the time I wasn’t.
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all the sudden goin’ fishing,
Wasn’t such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well I finally read the good book,
And I took a good long hard look at what I’d do
If I could do it all again.
And then.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you’ve got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.

I went sky divin’,
I went rocky mountain climbin’,
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fu Manchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin’.
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin’.

We can be fairly certain this will be our reaction to the bad news. That is how it’s been for everyone before us. So, what’s the use of waiting for a life-changing event to appreciate our lives? Why wait until were forced to realize the miracles of our lives and experience gratitude? Why wait to treasure our lives?

Definition of Gratitude

Webster’s Dictionary defines Gratitude as the state of being appreciative of benefits received or pleasing by reasons of comfort supplied. Thankfulness.

We need to realize how short and fragile life really is and how quickly it can change. One minute you have a spouse and a child and the next you don’t. One day you’re enjoying a walk on the beach and the next you have an accident that takes your legs. One day you’re enjoying your beautiful home and the next day it is totally destroyed in a fire. So many things can and do happen every day. Chances are there is someone close to you that has experienced such a tragedy.

There are two ways to look at the frailty of life: One way is feel frightened over the inevitable and to worry about what might happen. The other is to use this uncertainty and fear as a constant reminder of all we have to be grateful for. We need to constantly remind ourselves how fortunate we are to have what we have: a home, a spouse, children, health, a job all else you possess and may take for granted.

Gratitude List

Gratitude is one of the most powerful attractors of what we want. Take a sheet of paper and write down all the things you are grateful for in every area of your life. Include such things as your job or career, your health, your family, your friends, your personal possessions, and everything else you can think of. There is always something to be grateful for in every area of your life. Post this list where you can see it every day. This will keep it in your mind help you to get in the habit of gratitude.

Take a few minutes every day to think about and express gratitude for those things that you have. Make this a part of your life right now and begin to experience more joy. Give it a try. Chances are you have more to be grateful for than you realize.

Live life, don’t just go through it. Experience gratitude.

Gina

Gratitude Quotes

A person of power embraces challenges in complete gratitude. No matter the situation life may bring, discontent is never justified, rather all is experienced as an opportunity and a privilege to adventure and grow. James Ray “

The more youpraise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. Oprah Winfrey

Technorati Tags: Gratitude, Personal Development, Self-help

Does the idea of living an inspired life appeal to you? Do you want to have more inspiration in your life? Do you want to know your calling?

Have you ever asked yourself “What is my purpose on this earth?” or “Why am I here?”

I just returned from a wonderful ten-day vacation and some much needed R&R. During this time, I picked up a copy of “Inspiration - Your Ultimate Calling” by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Dr. Dyer is one of my favorite authors and speakers, and I have several of his books and audio recordings.

Dr. Dyer is an internationally renowned author and speaker in the field of personal development and I have learned much studying his teachings.

Here are some excerpts from the book:

I believe that being inspired means being in touch with your spiritual self. We are not physical beings living in a spiritual world; we are spiritual beings living in a physical world. Every person on earth has an immortal spirit: That part of a living being that exists before birth, dwells in the physical body during life, and exists after death as a separate being.

You came from Spirit, and to be inspired you must become more like where you came from. You must live so as to become more like God.

All our lives, we have been taught by our family, our community, the schools, and the media that we are what we accomplish in life. We were taught that failure to accomplish the life that ‘they’ saw for us meant that we should feel rejected. Furthermore, we’re taught that we are what others think of us, and if our reputation is stained, we are of even less value.

You have a calling back to this place of inspiration. It is working in your life right now. You should heed this call so you can come to know the joy and bliss that awaits you.
There is a voice in the Universe that calls to us to remember our purpose for being here in this world. It is trying to let us know that our being here has meaning. When we become fully awake to the Spirit within us, wonderful changes take place in our lives. We begin to have more energy, our creative juices flow, we are not judgmental or critical, we are more tolerant of others’ behavior and attitudes, and we are joyful and loving.

The reason I feel inspired isn’t because the world looks perfect. Rather, it’s the other way around: The reason the world looks perfect is because I’m in-Spirit (a person who chooses to live an inspired life). I’m able to stay in a state of gratitude from the moment I awake right up until I close my eyes…I’m reminded that staying in-Spirit is really
about staying in vibrational harmony.

When I’m living my life from this perspective of inspiration, my vibrational energy is more attuned to that of the creative energy of the Universe. Miracle seem to be ordinary
and limitations seem to be non-existant, and where the power of our Creator seem to roll right up and land at my feet.

What might your life begin to look like through a State of Inspiration?

“When you are inspired, dormant forces, faculties, and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed
yourself to be” –Patanjali

How do we become more Inspired?

• Choose to listen to your inner voice - Your Spirit voice. Invite our Spirit to participate in our daily lives, trusting ourselves to something greater than our physical being.
• Begin to think in terms of miracles not only being possible, but actively working in your life.
• Practice laughing at the importance you place on your everyday circumstances. View them from an eternal perspective and find yourself lightening that heavy load.

This book is much more spiritual than his earlier works I have read, and may be a bit of “too much new age spirituality” for some. Nevertheless, there is a lot of good reading and some good, practical lessons for getting “In-Spirit”. This book contains a good deal about his own personal journey to spiritualism and is probably a little repetitious in areas, but if you have previously read or heard Dr. Dyer, I’m sure you will enjoy it.

Gina

Technorati Tags: Dr. Wayne Dyer, Inspiration, Spirituality